If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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