I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
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We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to