Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?