the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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