My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
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Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So was this before or after he cried about trump?