Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.