the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
