Texts From Last Night

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  (+44): View more from England

  if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed

  (+44): View more from England

  keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction

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  (+44): if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed (+44): keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction http://tfl.nu/lbnu
  Replies (18) Good night (4550) Bad night (525)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.

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  (267): Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams. http://tfl.nu/lmv8
  Replies (21) Good night (4469) Bad night (1127)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.

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  (519): Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum. http://tfl.nu/qm4t
  Replies (8) Good night (2143) Bad night (1024)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork

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  (412): im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork http://tfl.nu/m3k8
  Replies (10) Good night (2638) Bad night (1229)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.

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  (724): He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot. http://tfl.nu/rv64
  Replies (2) Good night (796) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.

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  (434): Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority. http://tfl.nu/mqpz
  Replies (2) Good night (436) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Lets go hit some boners bro!

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.

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  (989): Lets go hit some boners bro! (1-989): I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk. http://tfl.nu/w0yr
  Replies (7) Good night (2394) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I thought you wanted to talk?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?

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  (609): I thought you wanted to talk? (908): What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk? http://tfl.nu/h1nx
  Replies (3) Good night (1166) Bad night (259)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.

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  (276): Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees. http://tfl.nu/acn4
  Replies (8) Good night (1102) Bad night (297)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.

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  (317): Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it. http://tfl.nu/ks3m
  Replies (3) Good night (623) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.

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  (281): Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever. http://tfl.nu/g095
  Replies (2) Good night (1330) Bad night (190)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?

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  (732): I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet? http://tfl.nu/fv2m
  Replies (3) Good night (681) Bad night (187)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...

  (1-315): View more from New York

  Hahah. That's good.

  (315): View more from New York

  I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...

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  (315): He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand... (1-315): Hahah. That's good. (315): I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out... http://tfl.nu/bifv
  Replies (5) Good night (278) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me

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  (816): Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me http://tfl.nu/m080
  Replies (7) Good night (488) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.

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  (813): It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis. http://tfl.nu/yjsc
  Replies (7) Good night (294) Bad night (600)

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