dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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