when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
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his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize