Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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