bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
