that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
