Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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