somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
