WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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