Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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