I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
