I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
