At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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