He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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