I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My penis needs a shock collar
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
