That's intense
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
