Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
