I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
