Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
