I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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