i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
