tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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