fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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