New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
