Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
