The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
