I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
