im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
