the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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