I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize