Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
