your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
