so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
