Reggie can tackle my bush.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
