Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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