Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
