What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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