What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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