it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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