she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
