Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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