john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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