Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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