a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
