you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
