dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
