She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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