I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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