i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you win again, gameday.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
