Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
