I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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