And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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