Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
there is glitter all over my balls
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