Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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