youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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