Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
