What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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