So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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