i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
