We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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