i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
