Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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