Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize