How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
