It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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