I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I have post one night stand depression
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