I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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