Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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