She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
