I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
