She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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