You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
