you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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