This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My cat gives me a boner
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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