Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
