the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
