Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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