im drinking this country out of the recession.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
