I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
