i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize