Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
home. puking in laundry basket.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
