Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
